Just went for my prenatal check up. How time flies! I’m into my 30 weeks of pregnancy. Another 8 more weeks to go! Praise the Lord! Little mousy is in a pink of health and currently having a hefty weight of about 2kg. Usually, foetus at this gestation period is weighing around 1.7kg. So, little mousy is a big baby. Thank You DaddyGod, for blessing me with a heritage. Not forgetting that little rascal too! She has grown taller and heavier, of course! She is turning 15-month soon. I can still vividly remember all those fond memories of her. Such a lovable child of mine…the day when we first met at the hospital…Time just slipped by so mercilessly. Scary huh! I can’t imagine that I’ll be in my 30s soon. I think it’s time for me to move on…to some place that I will enjoy doing. Life is not a bed of roses. It is a hard decision. DaddyGod, You know what I want…You know the best of me. Speak to me and show me a direction. Amen. A lot of things just ran through my mind last night. My sleep was greatly affected. Not sure why! I was so filled with anguish and grievances. I had a dispute with hubby. We quarrelled many times due to household chores, Adriel and etc. I felt so tired then. Things just aren’t working out…I felt sad. Then, the moment I stepped into office…Frankly, I’m really unhappy. Yet, I’m left with no choice. Yes, that arrangement that I need to learn to MANAGE. I thought I could do it. The passion of learning in me has longed gone and can no longer be found. Then, later in the evening, a colleague came to me and passed me back the time sheet issued by the hospital. I was told to apply leave since all my medical leave had been used up. I was bewildered then and informed that it was a time sheet and not a medical certificate. It was clearly stated at the bottom of the slip that no medical leave was required. You see…CGH uses the same slip for both medical certificate and time sheet. Why are you making things so difficult for me? Now, she is keeping the slip and has not returned it back to me. I think she needs some time to study it. Anyway, I’m made righteous of God in Christ. So, I just let her be. However, this thought did not last for long. I woke up at 4 this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep thereafter. I cried. I felt condemned. I know I shouldn’t feel condemned in the first place. I should reject it in the Name of Jesus. I thought of DaddyGod many times…my comforter…my refuge. But, things just don’t go my way. I felt so sad…so unjust. I couldn’t see your "BIG" picture. Only you can see it. You always feel that you are right and ignore our feelings. I thought I could let go of the past. But when some things happen, it sparkles off your accusations. You made groundless remarks and accused me for what I had not done. You don’t deserve my respect and love but yet, I have chosen to forgive and respect you because of DaddyGod’s love and grace. Yet, you don’t treasure it and choose to live on top of the ivory tower and see only your "BIG" picture. You’re so blessed…do you know about it? Everybody slogs for you…can’t you see? You show no appreciation and remain adamant. You said that you did not condemn me. To date, you don’t dare to talk to me face to face…you rather send emails. You ask my fellow colleagues to convey the intended message to me. So, basically there is no teamwork. You don’t reply to emails due to the lack of bandwidth you always claim to be. But tell you something! It depends on HOW YOU MANAGE IT. If you can’t manage, this shows you are incompetent. Remember, you told me the same thing when you ask me to switch job role. I told you my concerns, as currently I’m pregnant. You ignored my concerns and asked me to think of ways to manage it. You may think my health is not important. To you only…OK! I was so pissed off. Here’s, I pray to DaddyGod for revelation of undeserving grace and favour…I pray for blessings to flow through her. Open her heart and remove all pride that she is saving it for…for an office political war or whatsoever that hurts others. DaddyGod, I see Your love, abundant grace and receive Your blessings. I pray that she sees and also receives as much as I do. Amen.

Adriel’s photos will be uploaded soon…I promise :)

Soon, I will be going for my maternity leave. Yes, little mousy will be out in September. I’m full of anticipation. The delivery experience which I could still vividly remember, I’m going to experience again. However, I’m not going to give any room to fear during my delivery because I have faith in DaddyGod. Actually, ever since I have attended service at NCC, I feel that I’m growing. I become a happier person. I could feel God’s love and abundant grace.

Do you know that a few days ago, out of the sudden, I thought of my mum…Some years back, my mum was hospitalised due to high blood pressure. The doctors did a CT scan and found blood traces in her head. I broke down upon hearing that. I was so frightened at that time because I thought I was going to lose her. That was the time I rejected God. I bowed down to deities, holding joss sticks to ask for favour to heal my mum. I was so naïve then because I thought "they" would heal her since my mum was a devout buddhist. But then, God did not forsake me. In office, I was caught in surprise when Ann asked me to attend some talks organised by her church. I was filled with guilt. I couldn’t bring myself to face God. I was also in fear because I had made a promise to convert to a buddhist. I was afraid that if I broke it, I would lose my mum. Listening to my ordeal, Ann spent hours talking me out. It was only after a few days, I decided to renounce what I had done. I became God’s child once again. Since then, we had prayer sessions for my mum. I was really thankful. Miraculously, my mum was healed without undergoing any operation. God’s grace! The blood traces had all gone and the doctors could not find the root cause. Normally, it could be a tear in one of veins that caused the bleeding. However, none was found. The doctors at NUH even sent my mum to TTSH where there were more advanced equipment but somehow, God had already healed my mum completely. Through this, clearly, I believe God has a message for me. I was abit worried of my health, especially those lumps found in my breast. Though I relentlessly prayed and applied anointing oil for those nights, but I couldn’t take off my mind of those lumps completely. Those mornings, while getting ready for work, in the bathroom, I would stare at my reflection at the mirror, with the cross worn on my neck, images of Jesus died on the cross came upon my vision. I prayed to Him then by His stripes, I am healed.

Yesterday, another episode of God’s love and abundant grace was distinctively accounted then. I was pretty upset due to some work arrangement. I cried. I was also quite stressful then because I was going to CGH to retrieve my ultrasound report that afternoon. It was really very hard for me to cope with so many things at one time. However, things started to look optimistically soon after.

Gals (you know who you are): Thanks so much for all the encouragement and support! Thanks for organising the Holy Communion and the prayer session. You have brightened up my day. Do you know that Jesus came into my vision when we prayed yesterday? I saw Him with lumps on His body.

Thank You DaddyGod for your forgiveness, undeserving love, grace and favour. DaddyGod, You know me. Thank You for prompting the holy spirit to intervene with regards to the work arrangement.

I broke down yesterday. I was so touched by God’s love. He is really an amazing God. I could feel His blessings one after another.

In the afternoon, I walked into the hospital with a brave front. I could feel God’s presence and His message was so clear that afternoon…I am healed. Indeed, yes! The doctor said that the lumps had not grown any bigger and they looked benign, as they did not differ much from last scan. Though she said that the diagnosis might not be 100% accurate, but at that point of time, I wished that I could tell her this: My Lord Jesus is the healer. I trust in Him faithfully. No any form of diseases and sicknesses would befall on me because my Lord had already removed them completely when He died on cross.

I came out of the clinic, smiling and thank God for His great love for me. My next appointment will be 6 months later. So, I pray that the lumps will all be gone. By Jesus’s stripes, I am healed. Also, not forgetting the grain, wine and oil.