Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Moving On
Just went for my prenatal check up. How time flies! I’m into my 30 weeks of pregnancy. Another 8 more weeks to go! Praise the Lord! Little mousy is in a pink of health and currently having a hefty weight of about 2kg. Usually, foetus at this gestation period is weighing around 1.7kg. So, little mousy is a big baby. Thank You DaddyGod, for blessing me with a heritage. Not forgetting that little rascal too! She has grown taller and heavier, of course! She is turning 15-month soon. I can still vividly remember all those fond memories of her. Such a lovable child of mine…the day when we first met at the hospital…Time just slipped by so mercilessly. Scary huh! I can’t imagine that I’ll be in my 30s soon. I think it’s time for me to move on…to some place that I will enjoy doing. Life is not a bed of roses. It is a hard decision. DaddyGod, You know what I want…You know the best of me. Speak to me and show me a direction. Amen. A lot of things just ran through my mind last night. My sleep was greatly affected. Not sure why! I was so filled with anguish and grievances. I had a dispute with hubby. We quarrelled many times due to household chores, Adriel and etc. I felt so tired then. Things just aren’t working out…I felt sad. Then, the moment I stepped into office…Frankly, I’m really unhappy. Yet, I’m left with no choice. Yes, that arrangement that I need to learn to MANAGE. I thought I could do it. The passion of learning in me has longed gone and can no longer be found. Then, later in the evening, a colleague came to me and passed me back the time sheet issued by the hospital. I was told to apply leave since all my medical leave had been used up. I was bewildered then and informed that it was a time sheet and not a medical certificate. It was clearly stated at the bottom of the slip that no medical leave was required. You see…CGH uses the same slip for both medical certificate and time sheet. Why are you making things so difficult for me? Now, she is keeping the slip and has not returned it back to me. I think she needs some time to study it. Anyway, I’m made righteous of God in Christ. So, I just let her be. However, this thought did not last for long. I woke up at 4 this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep thereafter. I cried. I felt condemned. I know I shouldn’t feel condemned in the first place. I should reject it in the Name of Jesus. I thought of DaddyGod many times…my comforter…my refuge. But, things just don’t go my way. I felt so sad…so unjust. I couldn’t see your "BIG" picture. Only you can see it. You always feel that you are right and ignore our feelings. I thought I could let go of the past. But when some things happen, it sparkles off your accusations. You made groundless remarks and accused me for what I had not done. You don’t deserve my respect and love but yet, I have chosen to forgive and respect you because of DaddyGod’s love and grace. Yet, you don’t treasure it and choose to live on top of the ivory tower and see only your "BIG" picture. You’re so blessed…do you know about it? Everybody slogs for you…can’t you see? You show no appreciation and remain adamant. You said that you did not condemn me. To date, you don’t dare to talk to me face to face…you rather send emails. You ask my fellow colleagues to convey the intended message to me. So, basically there is no teamwork. You don’t reply to emails due to the lack of bandwidth you always claim to be. But tell you something! It depends on HOW YOU MANAGE IT. If you can’t manage, this shows you are incompetent. Remember, you told me the same thing when you ask me to switch job role. I told you my concerns, as currently I’m pregnant. You ignored my concerns and asked me to think of ways to manage it. You may think my health is not important. To you only…OK! I was so pissed off. Here’s, I pray to DaddyGod for revelation of undeserving grace and favour…I pray for blessings to flow through her. Open her heart and remove all pride that she is saving it for…for an office political war or whatsoever that hurts others. DaddyGod, I see Your love, abundant grace and receive Your blessings. I pray that she sees and also receives as much as I do. Amen.
posted by gin # 2:49 PM
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